About

welcome to The wndering mind!

I’m Anaëlle, a 25-year-old Ph.D. student from France. I am a  wonderer driven by inner and outer exploration. On this blog, you will read about my wandering thoughts as a life enthusiastic and my daily explorations as to how to break free from perfectionism and how to navigate through the unattainable ideals we internalize.

This is a platform aiming for reflection upon various subjects and ideas, questioning more than answering, sharing thoughts and experiences, and deconstructing societal injunctions and maladaptive conditionings. 

Photograph @polaphoto_be. 

“Who am I”?

             

             Creating this blog almost instantly led to a first existential crisis when I hit the “About” section. My introduction to the world, a description me and of the purposes of my blog in ten sentences, or maybe four, let’s not forget people are busy. Who am I? My impostor syndrome kicks in: Yes, actually, who are you to create a blog and to pretend that you have something to say to other people?

One day, my ideas and values seem essential to share. The next day, I start thinking that actually no. The way I live, think and feel isn’t of any interest to anybody else. I do not want to be claiming some hierarchy of thoughts, nor pretending any superiority of my experiences over anybody else. What I want, is offering another perspective, an alternative inspiration on doing, being, thinking, and feeling. I believe in the infinite shapes and varieties of inspiration. We make our own recipe, our personal combination of things we heard somewhere and concepts we read elsewhere. All of this goes through the filters of our perception, biases and understandings. We create our own fusion of it and it participates in who we are at a certain moment. Every now and then it sticks, most of the time it fades away, vanishing alongside the majority of the flow of information we are exposed to constantly. When I think back of this identity question, my mind goes either blank or enters a seizure considering everything that makes me who I am. A person’s identities are fluid, multiple, sometimes convergent and other times conflicting. I am a mélange of all the people I met, listened to, spoke with, ignored, desired, hated and loved. Parts were intentionally incorporated, others stuck despite my unwillingness.

The problem is, the first things that come to my mind are things I do but are there such things as “things I am”? I am a human being, like you, that’s who I am. Not a human doing, and my identity lies in that very essence, that subtle existence. More similar to you than we are different, but this question prompts me to highlight my uniqueness. We like to think of ourselves as unique, but we aren’t. And there is no specific reason why you should read that blog more than millions of others. I am writing for me mainly, like an open diary. That’s a big part of who I am actually, being an open chest advocating for vulnerability.

To different people, I would answer something different, but what is the core of my identity? Let me sit, light up some candles and think this through a bit more. This blog probably is the best response. A reflection of who I am, of what matters to me enough to be willing to share it with strangers. Once I have found an answer to that question, I promise I’ll share with you one of the billion versions that could grasp an inch of who I am.

 

About This Blog

Reflecting, questioning, sharing and deconstructing.


On this blog, you will find discussions on personal growth, social sciences, arts and advocacy. I will wonder about what it means to be a 25-year-old woman in today’s society and question the ideals that we internalize, making it relatable as much as possible. I want to have conscious conversations on womanhood. Reflect on my beliefs. Share my ideas, experiences and learnings. Deconstruct maladaptive conditionings while removing the weight and negative connotation around sensitivity and emotionality to show that there is no such thing as pure rationality.

Photograph: @polaphoto_be.
Photograph: @polaphoto_be.

About Me

Inner and Outer Exploration


I am an empathetic, determined and idealist woman, driven by inner and outer exploration. I am a curious mind, who decided to share her thoughts and questionings about a thousand things.

In our societies, we are often encouraged to find the perfect career path, the perfect partner, the perfect house, body, etc. We are incited to thrive for perfection in everything we do, in everything we are. We are taught that our worth depends on this achievement, this productivity, driving us to believe that perfection is a desired, and achievable goal. However, we are rarely inspirited to find a place where we feel alive and vibrant. To be on the quest of an internal and external little paradise. Living in a place where we feel alive means creating an environment conducive to letting our deepest passions emerge. It is choosing to establish ourselves on a soil fertile for our dreams and ourselves to grow.

Personal Growth


I am a devotee of creating a life filled with meaning and deep connectedness with the world around me. I’ve never really known how to describe my tie to personal growth. Is it a mindset? A lifestyle? A hobby or a goal? Let’s go for mindset.

This is a lifelong journey and I fell in love with this process of discovering myself and opening up to others and life at the same time. I am under construction, and I embrace constant change, alongside this deep need for meaning and purpose. It is not about growing for the sake of growth, I want to contribute to social change that aligns with my values. I want to learn, explore and leave this world with the assurance that it is a tiny bit better just because I was there. Today I am trying to share this open journey of deconstructing this idea of a reachable perfect self, made of unattainable ideals, so tightly tied to our constructions of womanhood.

I want to share thoughts and experiences on my journey to self-understanding and personal growth, looking forward to growing into the most authentic version of myself, finding new things along the way to be amazed at and grateful for.

Photograph: @polaphoto_be.
Photograph: @polaphoto_be.

Advocacy


I think that somewhere along the way we lost this connection with ourselves and the world around us. Some people can pretend they don’t need love, science says otherwise. Although I have deeply internalized this individualistic culture, I aspire to participate in the development of a regenerative culture tied to a collectivistic concern. 

I am an optimist and idealist. One day a friend told me that when you study politics you necessarily become pessimistic, lose sight of your values, and understand that the world is a bad place where money governs. I remember thinking how inherently biased that thinking was, and how this would always lead to maintaining a status quo which I am personally not content with. I believe that you must aim far, have a somewhat perfect vision of the world so that the tiny steps taken in the direction of progress are positive ones.

I want to understand people deeply, help them learn, grow and change, myself included. I want to feed that craving for the depth of mutual human connection and understanding. I advocate for vulnerability and mental health, feminism and climate justice which can all be bundled up in this principle of regenerative culture. I want to nurture and inspire others with my passion for life, humans and beauty.

Mental Health and Vulnerability

A world where we feel free to be vulnerable and where mental health is destigmatized and made a priority. A world where compassion, kindness and authenticity are encouraged strengths.

Eco/ Intersectional Feminism

A world where women have equal rights and opportunity. A world safer for all of us, taking into account that not all women’s experiences are the same.

 

Climate Justice

A world where we reconnect with our roots, where nature is made sacred again and respected. 

 

I am water


 

In an enlivened park, I observe the quiet, blurry lake. I am water.

In the post-holiday south, I float on the warm, salted tide. I am water.

While driving my bike, I feel the rain sparkling on my wet skin. I am water.

In all its forms, in all its shapes and possibilities. I am water.

Vulnerable, exposed, naked. Peaceful, quiet, serene. I am water.

Devastating, insolent, destructive. Strong, powerful, tenacious. I am water.

Wandering through the meanders of life, of minds, of hearts. I am water.

Fitting in, people-pleasing. Overcoming, abolishing barriers imposed on my being. I am water.

In my essence, fluid, adaptable.

In my vulnerability and determination.

In my infinite potentialities.

 

I am water.

 

Anaëlle Gonzalez

Contact

Do not hesitate to contact me, I am open to any feedback that you may have. Send me an email here.

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